Monday, January 27, 2014

Headlights, Eminem

I don't get into much hip-hop. However, I really enjoy Eminem. I love his passion the most. I envy his "fuck it" attitude. There are some parallels between Mr. Mathers and myself, the biggest being his relationship (or lack there of) with his Mother. Same goes to my Bio-Mom who I haven't seen in about 20 years. I have a "Mom" the best mom I could ask for. I picked her and she picked me, not many people can say that. And I love her more than life itself. However, when it comes to my Bio-Mom or "Aunt" I always wonder about her. Why she didnt care... Why she didnt try... Even tho I know I'm better off with the life I have, all sorts of emotions still bubble up. This song speaks to my Bio-Mom from me. This is a very moving song for me.

"Headlights"
(feat. Nate Ruess)

[Verse 1: Nate Ruess]
Mom, I know I let you down
And though you say the days are happy
Why is the power off, and I'm fucked up?
And, Mom, I know he's not around
But don't you place the blame on me
As you pour yourself another drink, yeah.

[Hook: Nate Ruess]
I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
Maybe we took this too far

[Verse 2: Eminem]
I went in headfirst
Never thinking about who what I said hurt, in what verse
My mom probably got it the worst
The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are
Did I take it too far?
"Cleaning Out My Closet" and all them other songs
But regardless I don't hate you 'cause, Ma,
You're still beautiful to me, 'cause you're my mom
Though far be it for you to be calling, my house was Vietnam
Desert Storm and both of us put together can form an atomic bomb equivalent to Chemical warfare
And forever we can drag this on and on
But, agree to disagree
That gift from me up under the Christmas tree don't mean shit to me
You're kicking me out? It's 15 degrees and it's Christmas Eve (little prick just leave)
Ma, let me grab my fucking coat, anything to have each other's goats
Why we always at each other's throats?
Especially when dad, he fucked us both
We're in the same fucking boat, you'd think that it'd make us close (nope)
Further away it drove us, but together headlights shine, a car full of belongings
Still got a ways to go, back to grandma's house it's straight up the road
And I was the man of the house, the oldest, so my shoulders carried the weight of the load
Then Nate got taken away by the state at eight years old,
And that's when I realized you were sick and it wasn't fixable or changeable
And to this day we remained estranged and I hate it though, but

[Hook]

[Verse 3: Eminem]
'Cause to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though
'Cause you ain't even get to witness your grand babies grow
But I'm sorry, Mama, for "Cleaning Out My Closet", at the time I was angry
Rightfully maybe so, never meant that far to take it though,
'cause now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not making jokes
That song I no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it's on the radio
And I think of Nathan being placed in a home
And all the medicine you fed us
And how I just wanted you to taste your own,
But now the medications taken over
And your mental state's deteriorating slow
And I'm way too old to cry, that shit's painful though
But, Ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan, yo
All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both
Foster care, that cross you bear, few may be as heavy as yours
But I love you, Debbie Mathers, oh, what a tangled web we have,
'cause one thing I never asked was
Where the fuck my deadbeat dad was
Fuck it, I guess he had trouble keeping up with every address
But I'd have flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus
Own a collection of maps and followed my kids to the edge of the atlas
Someone ever moved them from me? That you coulda bet your asses
If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa, kidnap them
And although one has only met their grandma once
You pulled up in our drive one night as we were leaving to get some hamburgers
Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you
And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness come over me
As we pulled off to go our separate paths,
And I saw your headlights as I looked back
And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to thank you for being my Mom and my Dad
So, Mom, please accept this as a tribute I wrote this on the jet
I guess I had to get this off my chest,
I hope I get the chance to lay it before I'm dead
The stewardess said to fasten my seatbelt, I guess we're crashing
So if I'm not dreaming, I hope you get this message that I'll always love you from afar
'Cause you're my mama...

[Hook]

[Verse 4: Nate Ruess]
I want a new life (start over)
One without a cause (clean slate)
So I'm coming home tonight (yeah)
Well, no matter what the cost
And if the plane goes down
Or if the crew can't wake me up
Well, just know that I'm alright
I was not afraid to die
Oh, even if there's songs to sing
Well, my children will carry me
Just know that I'm alright
I was not afraid to die
Because I put my faith in my little girl
So I never say, "Goodbye, cruel world."
Just know that I'm alright
I am not afraid to die

[Hook]

I want a new life


Born of a Broken Man, RATM

"Born Of A Broken Man"
My fears hunt me down
Capturing my memories
The frontier of loss
They try to escape across the street where
Jesus stripped bare 
And raped the spirit he was supposed to nurture
In the name of my
In the name of my

Born of a broken man, but not a broken man
Born of a broken man, never a broken man
Born of a broken man, but not a broken man
Born of a broken man, never a broken man

Like autumn leaves his sense fell from him
An empty glass of himself shattered somewhere within
His thoughts like a hundred moths
Trapped in a lampshade
Somewhere within
Their wings banging and burning
On through endless night
Forever awake he lies shaking and starving
Praying for someone to turn off the light

Born of a broken man, never a broken man
Born of a broken man, but not a broken man
Born of a broken man, never a broken man
Born of a broken man, but not a broken man

My fear is hunting me down
Capturing my memories
The frontier of laos
They try to escape across the street where
Jesus stripped bare 
And raped the spirit he was supposed to nurture
In the name of my
In the name of my

YEAAAH!

Born of a broken man, but not a broken man
Born of a broken man, never a broken man
Born of a broken man, never a broken man
Born of a broken man, but not a broken man



This song reminds me of my father and his battle with alcoholism.


Sunday, January 26, 2014

Ten Thousand Hours, Macklemore

"Ten Thousand Hours"
Uh
I hope that God decides to talk through him
That the people decide to walk with him
Regardless of pitchfork cosigns I've jumped
Make sure the soundman doesn't cockblock the drums
Let the snare knock the air right out of your lungs
And those words be the oxygen
Just breathe
Amen, regardless I'mma say it
Felt like I got signed the day that I got an agent
Got an iTunes check, shit man I'm paying rent
About damn time that I got out of my basement
About damn time I got around the country and I hit these stages
I was made to slay them
Ten thousand hours I'm so damn close I can taste it
On some Malcolm Gladwell, David Bowie meets Kanye shit
This is dedication
A life lived for art is never a life wasted
Ten thousand

Ten thousand hours felt like ten thousand hands
Ten thousands hands, they carry me
Ten thousand hours felt like ten thousand hands
Ten thousands hands, they carry me

Now, now, now
This is my world, this is my arena
The TV told me something different I didn't believe it
I stand here in front of you today all because of an idea
I could be who I wanted if I could see my potential
And I know that one day I'mma be him
Put the gloves on, sparring with my ego
Everyone's greatest obstacle, I beat 'em
Celebrate that achievement
Got some attachments, some baggage I'm actually working on leaving
See, I observed Escher
I love Basquiat
I watched Keith Haring
You see I study art
The greats weren't great because at birth they could paint
The greats were great cause they paint a lot
I will not be a statistic
Just let me be
No child left behind, that's the American scheme
I make my living off of words
And do what I love for work
And got around 980 on my SATs
Take that system, what did you expect?
Generation of kids choosing love over a desk
Put those hours in and look at what you get
Nothing that you can hold, but everything that it is
Ten thousand

Ten thousand hours felt like ten thousand hands
Ten thousands hands, they carry me
Ten thousand hours felt like ten thousand hands
Ten thousands hands, they carry me

Same shit, different day, same struggle
Slow motion as time slips through my knuckles
Nothing beautiful about it, no light at the tunnel
For the people that put the passion before them being comfortable
Raw, unmedicated heart no substitute
Banging on table tops, no substitute
I'm feeling better than ever man, what is up with you?
Scraping my knuckles, I'm battling with some drug abuse
I lost another friend, got another call from a sister
And I speak for the people that share that struggle too
Like they got something bruised
My only rehabilitation was the sweat, tears and blood when up in the booth...

It's the part of the show
Where it all fades away
When the lights go to black
And the band leaves the stage
And you wanted an encore
But there's no encore today
Cause the moment is now
Can't get it back from the grave

Part of the show
It all fades away
Lights go to black
Band leaves the stage
You wanted an encore
But there's no encore today
Cause the moment is now
Can't get it back from the grave

Welcome to the heist
Welcome to the heist...


Im a sucker for the stories where people give every ounce and come back from the depths of nothing and make something happen. This song is about Macklemores journey. This song is very inspiring and I listen to it often when I'm feeling down or when it feel like i'll never get to where I want to be.

My favorite part is either the begining where he talks about what the music does to you physically or the very end... Cause the moment is now, Can't get it back from the grave


Float, Bush

"Float"
it's a beautiful world
everyone's insane
either you swim
either you fade

it's a revolution time
we're sleepin' at the wheel
apocalypse child
in a nuclear field

we wanna change the world
but not what holds us back
i want to be for you
what i've never had

all of this time
i'm just tryin' to reach you
through the rain traffic
as we float into space
your wide eyes
hide your face
as we float inbetween
i am with you
if you bleed

Fragile to the waves
Vicissitudes of days
when i am with you
i feel a little brave

the madness and the wars
the circles that we run
confusion we import
look what we have become

all of this time
i was just trying to reach you
through the rain traffic
as we float into space
your wide eyes
hide your face
as we float inbetween
i'd die with you
if you bleed
as we float

as we float into space
your wide eyes
hide your face
as we float inbetween
i'd die with you
if you bleed

as we float
i'd die with you
i'd die with you
i'd die with you


A beautifully written song and lyrically impeccable. Not your average love song. To me its a song about a couple where the person the song is written about doesn't understand the power they have over the person singing. Maybe they feel they don't deserve it, or aren't capable of a relationship or are just insecure.

This song hits home because its runs parallel with my life and current relationship. My favorite line is, "Your wide eyes, hide your face". Below is a great live version enjoy...


Updates

Changed the look of the blog and the subtitle.

Going to be adding some new posts consisting of my favorite song lyrics.

Going to be adding some new posts in a journal setting as well.


Very excited to move here shortly so I can get settled and start to concentrate on writing the physical book that I want to complete.

Keep a look out for the changes. I can always be reached by email heffran@gmail.com.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Rise

Rise
Rise up
Touch the sky
Look me in the eye
Kiss the sun
You're the only one
Scream into space
Face to face
Rise
Rise up
Left for dead
With words unsaid
Your one and only
Is your noose
Still dangling
From your truth
Rise
Rise up
Never gave up
Never gave in
What if you wanted to change,  the truth
Your not finished, with you
Erase the negatives with a goodbye
Spread your wings... And fly
Rise

Thursday, January 23, 2014

You Warned Me

It's my fault
You warned me
But your eyes went right inside me

On top of the world,  till yesterday
Why did you have to say his name?
I thought you were different
So close but so distant
I've given you all of everything
Nothing is left but the empty
Didn't even know love was a part of your existence
You begged, pleaded and insisted

It's my fault
You warned me
But your lips just moved me

You called out a warning
But your touch was so warming
I thought there was a chance for a fairy tale
Realizing there was no chance,  no chance in the details
I'm already over this
Given too much time, but I'll leave you my wish
I pray you can be happy
But your eyes still warn me

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Justified Eyes

Lying when you feel your
insecurities
Lying about your own
insincerites
Wishing you could be
justified
Simply by that look in your
eyes
Left for dead and
broken
Make yourself feel better as you stalk the
hopeless
Question your own
humanity
Look at all these
possibilities
Sneering in the face of the
collective
Remember, the mirror is always
reflective

-ZKH
1/13/14

Monday, January 6, 2014

It's All Over Now

Everything is empty
Nothing feels real
Looking for an ending
Wish I knew how not to feel

Everything is over
I can not read your dreams
Keep your composure
Nothing is ever as it seems

Everything is different
It's come to this but how
Freed from my imprisonment
It's all over now

1/6/14
-ZKH

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Never

Never has been
Never can be
Someone like you
Never say never
Never say goodbye
So stubborn we'll lie
More to the picture
Than meets the eye
Wish I could say what you want
Wish we could respond with another excuse
Wish I could write the truth
But I can't even write about you
It fills your eyes
You know questions fill my mind
Smile empty soul again
Just admit this isn't the end
I'd give you the moon if you let me
But you never will
Determined to let it be
It'll never be me
Even when we say goodbye
We'll still share the same sky

1/1/14
-ZKH